The past year has been one of the most trying in my life to be utterly honest. As hard as navigating immigration bans and waivers and suffering through years… it really pales in comparison to returning home. You all know that our oldest son Dax went into diabetic ketoacidosis last year when he went into his diabetic debut shortly after we received our approval. It hit us pretty hard to realize our son was so ill, that we had missed the signs of diabetes, and realizing that it probably would have been caught earlier if we were in the States. However, that was not the last curve ball that we were thrown since we returned. In October we found out that Lukas, our second born, who we had tested for autism in Bolivia, was actually legally blind. Something, we definitely would have found out earlier in the States. In November, our youngest son had his first seizure while he was asleep. He has since been diagnosed with epilepsy, we do not have a final diagnosis, but they are suspecting Doose syndrome. Thus far the medication is not controlling his seizures, and we are just starting a second medicine. I blame myself for not returning to the States to have him; like I did with our daughter Ella. I just couldn’t handle being separated as a family again. I am thankful that this happened in the states though, I don’t think I could have handled this at all if we were in Bolivia. And to be terribly honest, I didn’t handle it very well here at first either.
Coming back and dealing with all this, almost destroyed my marriage, it was just too much. I was losing it, I think my husband was having his own issues with it which caused a lot of tension between us, and a lot of fights. It was horrible, as we had spent all those years united in our fight against immigration, that when we finally won, it all started to fall apart. Sometimes I think that my husband did not think he would ever be approved, because when we were, he was adamant that he did not want to return to the states, did not want our children raised here. This broke my heart, as I had fought all those years and we spent all that money and I hadn’t seen my other children or family for over 7 years. Now, of course, I realize he was scared, we worked hard and built a reputable company in Bolivia, my husband was living his dream as a musician and was able to work with some really famous people from all over the world. He saw it as I was expecting him to just give it all up. I don’t think he really considered the fact that the plan was always to come back, or he just expected a denial and figured I wouldn’t fight it. He changed his mind after our oldest got sick, though he now claims he came back for me. I did tell him I was going to leave either way… Yeah, maybe that was a little bitchy. Damn though, sometimes a girl has to put her foot down when she has had enough.
Anyways, I ended up losing my job a few months ago that I started online in 2011 because of the stress and my inability to handle it. You know, when you are living in exile, you have all these dreams about how perfect it will be to go home… not realizing how much you will miss what you do have. Nor that there will be a shock once the honeymoon wears off. I have come to terms with my un-adventures in Bolivia. I miss so much about being there…mainly having four perfectly healthy children, but that is not all. Bolivia is part of me forever, I have a lot of unfinished business there, so to speak.
Things are getting better, we are rebuilding our lives state side, it is gonna take some time, coming back, starting from zero, has not been easy, but I already know that life goes on, no matter where you are. All I know is that we can make it through anything as a family.